Heartbreaker

 

Heartbreaker

Promises are meant to be broken ! I just destroyed after the demise . just can't clear it up how i was being felt that time. hamesha sath rahne ki promise just destroyed ., har wakt ek dusre ke sath rahenge just broken , chahe jaisa bhi wakt ho kabhi nahi bhichdenge broken. " kisi ke mar jane ke bad dusra k jina sirf ek zinda lash ban jata hain. jahan sansein to chalti hain lekin zindgi nahin. " 

Jab pyaar main pyaar na ho , Jab dard me yaar na ho,

Jab ansoun me muskaan na ho, Jab saansein bas yunhi chale,

Jab har din me raat dhale, Jab intezar sirf wakt ka ho,

Jab yaad uss kambat ki ho, Kyun hun mein rahi jab kisi aur 

ki manzil , Dhadkano ne saath chhod diya,

Ae Dil hain Mushkil , Ae Dil hain Mushkil 

- Ae Dil Hain Mushkil.

 Log to chale jatee hain  lekin yaade hamesha jinda rehti hain . bs ek hi umid bachi thi jine ki ab sirf uski yado se maine jina suru kar diya. Ghar aane k baad bhi bas jinda lash ban kar reh gaya tha. bilkul aaisa tha ki ek hawa ka jokaa aaya or apne sabkuch uda le gaya. Har ek lamha , Har ek pal firse yaad aanee lage the. Sansein chal rahi hain lekin jindgi jina bhul gaya tha main. har ek din , sirf din hota tha raat hoti thi.  " Ab ghav dikhaye to dikhaye kisko wo ghauv pe marham lagane wale nahi rahe. roye to bhi kaise roye wo anshu pochne wale nahi rahee. " bina hamsufar ki zindgi akshar viran lagti hain. jisme pani to he lekin pyash nahi, roshni toh hain lekin surya nahi. khana hain lekin bhukh nahin . viraniyat ka saya charon or chaya hua hain. 

Jahan ek andhere kamre k corner pe baitha main ushi ke sapne dekh raha hoon. rona bahut hain lekin anshu mano kahi chhup se gaye hain. chilana hain bahut lekin aawaz nahi nikal rahi. gumsum sa rehne laga hoon ki zidngi jine me ab koi bhi interest nahin raha . ek mahina ho gya lekin kuch bhi nahin badla.. haar haar kar gharwale hospital me le gye. lakh awaz laagaye koi lekin kano tak awaz nahi pahuch rahi. manoo ki kisi ne silent button on kar diya hoon. Kisi ne ek hi pal me saree disease mere pe chod diya hoon.

 Admitted in a hospital...

3 mahine ho gye lekin meri body per moment nazar hi nahi aa raha tha. doctors puch puch kar thak gaye ki kya hua hain. lekin bolna band kar diya maine sab se. papa mummy puri ki puri family samne ro rahin hain lekin meri body per koi reaction nahin.. 

Maine Kafi najdik se dekha hain ! Deperation   Aaj kal jo log mental health issues se overcome hone ki salah dete hain deperation ko ek mamuli dieases samajte hain unhe nahin pata ki actually me deperation kya hota hain. kuch log sadness ko deperation samajte hain lekin,

 Sadness is not a part of a deperation . it just a condtion of crying and feeling. 

But actually , deperation is a condition where you have just two option either deal with it or die. when we don't control thoughts , they control us. overthinking is a part of deperation.

Ye bas overthinking ki baat nahi hain . lekin kuch incidents ke dauran kuch hota hain jiska effect sida hamare routine life per padta hain wo chahe fir business loss ho, breakup ho ya fir kisi apne ki demise ka ho. kuch incident hamara mind seh nahi sakta. daily activites nahi kar pate hain ham , kisi chiz per focus nahin kar pate. kuch log depereation me cigratee , drugs lena bhi start kar dete hain jisse wo apne life pe jo kuch hua use bhula kar nahi un sari chize kar ke avoid karte hain. akela rehna , na dusro se baat karna , chizon ko baar bar bhul jana ye sab hota hain. mujhe sirf itna pata hain jitna maine feel kiya hain deperation main.. or isse bahar niklana maut ke samundar ko paar karne jaisa hain.

Aaise hi aaise sari chize hone lagi thi , 6 mahine ho gye hospital se discharge ho kar ghar lekar aaye papa. thodi life change hui thi jaise khana pina mummy time pe khila dete the. pagalpan kafi had tak badal gaya tha jispe baar baar suicide attempt karna band kar diya tha . Family ka support to mila bahut it didn't work.

 Mujhe khush karne ke liye papa mere liye gift laye " Vivaan ! tumhare liye ek gift hain , isse khol kar dekhlo " bade se white box me mera pehla smartphone tha. baar baar papa ko pehle kehne ke baad papa nahi dilate the or aaj ek hi pal me mujhe khush karne ke liye smartphone tak la dia lekin kya fyda ? smartphone aa gya uspe bat karne ke liye mitu kahan hain. maine thank you bol kar table pe rakh dia. papa n fir bhi har na mani " chal ek selfie lete hain ".. jaise ek dost karta hain bas waise hi sab kuch karte the . itna sab kuch karne ke bad bhi agar main aaise hi rahoon to gharwalon k sab ke dil tut jayenge. or 6 mahine bad new F.B account create kia or kuch purane dost ko request send ki or thodi bahut baate suru ki. mere school ki ek dost ki request aayi. jiska name tha 

 "Khushi " school pe kafi close the ham . or achanak se sab puchne lagi kaha tha itne din ? school ke exam baad tu gayab hi ho gaya !

Usse sari baate share ki tab wo bhi sad ho gyi. Lekin usne kaha " Don't worry ! jo hua usse bagwan ki marzi samaj kar bhul jao or apne family or friends ke liye new life start karon . roz roz baate karte karte kab ham best friend ban gaye pata hi nahi chalan.  uski sari bato or promises se usne mere bad habits bhi chudwa diye or deperation me se bahar kafi nikal diya.

Maine aaise wkt pe bas yahi sikha ki do log tumhare kisi bhi wkt me tumhara sath nahi chodte ek thi meri family or dusri thi khushi. itna sab hone ke bad isse bahar aana itna mushkil tha lekin khushi or family ki wajah se me kab normal life jina suru kar diya pata hi nahin chala.

 or aaj bhi 6 years se bhi jyda years huye lekin hamari friendship aaj bhi hain kuch bhi nahin badla .

 " Never change your priorites ! " Family and friends are more important than anything in your life. Share your ups and downs with your family. Just learnt after mitu's demise is 

 Suicide is not a solution ! Everything happen for a reason you just need to figured it out.  Everything will be okay . just wait for the right time.

" The Tragedy of life is not a death , but what we 

let die inside of us while we live. "

                            

                            - Norman Cousins

       to be continued...